The biggest decision of our lives????

So things are rocking right along here in our household. We are almost through April and it's that time of year to start sorting summer clothing, looking at Vacation Bible School, and remembering that I MIGHT have to appear in a swimsuit in some public place this summer (YIKES!).

We have been enjoying the break that is afforded to us by only having 5 children for a little while but you know the saying, JUST when you think everything is falling into place, everything starts falling apart.

Our girls are getting visits with their family once a week. We alternate weeks for visitation - one week they are at DHS and supervised by DHS and the next week I supervise their visitation. So last week, I supervised visitation and after it was over and their bio-mom and I put them in the car, she let me know that she was expecting another baby.

SHOCK was all I could muster and a wimpy sentence asking her if she knew the due date (which she didn't).

She then started talking about her upcoming pre-trial date for termination of parental rights. She was understandably nervous and I did my best to tell her not to worry or stress herself out while deep down I know that, at this point, chances of reunification are getting further and further away. She then asked that, if they don't reunify, if we would please adopt her girls. WOW!

NEVER in my wildest dreams did I think I would hear those words come out of the mouth of ANY mother whose children we had in our care.

I have been DREAMING of the day that we would be able to adopt since we entered this crazy ride almost 18 months ago but now that the opportunity is SOOO close, we're just not sure that this is the right set of siblings for US. I'm trying to be brutally honest here and the BRUTAL truth is that while we LOVE the girls, we aren't IN LOVE with them.....yet. We know we've only had them in our home for 3 months and that's not ALWAYS enough time to truly bond with children (especially with some beahaviors) but we're nervous that our bond may NEVER come.

We are balancing pros and cons and trying to decide if the opportunities that we can offer these girls would be enough or if they might be a better fit in someone else's home. I've gone back and forth between SURE that they were for us and SURE that they weren't....I have prayed so hard that God is probably tired of hearing from me, especially since I keep asking for His will to be done (sometimes I imagine God talking sarcastically back at me saying something like, "If you REALLY want MY will to be done, then stop reminding me every 5 seconds to do it").

I HATE being unsure...I am organized and in control in almost every aspect of my life and have a difficult time with things that don't have a quick outcome. So this is killing me, I feel like I need an answer NOW even though I KNOW I can't come to an answer that quickly (who could?).

So, fow now, I'm going to put all my energy in the THOUSANDS of appointments we have every week (okay maybe not THOUSANDS but certainly quite a few) and my ridiculous obsession with thinking about the upcoming summer vacation in late April....will update as soon as we know anything else.....