Follow me on my road through the foster care system on a path toward adotpion....

Six Under Six

I am NOT unique and sadly neither are the children that we help. By some estimates there are upwards of 500,000 thousand children in the american foster care system. We are only ONE family that has opened our home to make sure that someone else's child has one.

We have been foster parents for just over a year (although it feels SOOO much longer) and I truly wish I had started blogging then....the first year was rough....and challenging.....and unbelievably frustrating....and yet so fun....and more rewarding than you could ever imagine. We have had 17 children come through our home in that time and sadly, we have not made a DENT. We thought we could save the world one abused/neglected child at a time but instead, I often have doubts if we've TRULY had an impact on even ONE child.

Why Do People Become Foster Parents?

If you're not familiar with taking custody of someone else's child (and why would you be?) then I can tell you that most of the time, it takes one of four forms.

1.) Strictly Foster parents - these families are often referred to as "Foster Only" meaning that they provide foster homes for abused/neglected children but have no intention or desire to adopt or keep a child on a permanent basis.
2.) Foster/Adoptive parents - these families are often referred to as "Foster-Adopt" homes and means that they take children in and provide a foster home for them with the hope of one day being able to adopt a child in their care.
3.) Adoptive homes - these families do not provide foster care in the strict sense of the word. They take in foster children whose parental rights have already been terminated with the sole intention of adopting them (they TYPICALLY do not take children whose parents still have parental rights)
4.) Kinship homes - these are families that are involved in the foster care system because they have taken in a relative child that was placed in the foster care system.

As you can see MOST families enter this system with the hope of someday adopting from the system or for the intention of caring for a child that they are related to. Adopting a child through the american foster care system is free in the sense that you do not typically have the legal fees, attorney fees, agency fees, etc. that would come with adopting a domestic newborn through an agency. Hence, the primary motivation for most foster parents.

And, that's where we come in.

About Me:

I am a 29 year old mother of three beautiful children. I stay home with them and make raising them my full-time job and responsibility. I have a 2, 3, and 5 year old. I had all three within 2 3/4 years via three c-sections and three extremely difficult pregnancies (pre-eclampsia three times is more than anyone should have to put up with). So after baby #3 at the age of 26, my husband and I made the decision to not have anymore biological children. I'm sure you'll get more of "me" in my blogs but that's the basic background behind us taking a walk on the path toward adoption. We want to help and we think we can and we want to, in turn, be blessed by being able to keep one of these precious children permanently. Or course there were a lot of talks with my husband, a lot of classes and a TON of prayers but we have started our journey and would LOVE for you to cry and laugh along with us and we continue toward our goal.

Let's Clear a Few Misonceptions Up:

Much like anything else that people don't completely understand, there are a LOT of misconceptions about foster parenting in general.

1.) Foster parents do it for the money. I acknowledge that this MAY be true for some but if so, I'd really love to hear how they do it. I'm going to lay it all out there. We get reimbursed $12 a day for a child in our home which breaks down to about $.50 an hour. Out of that $12, we have to pay for EVERYTHING that the child needs - food, diapers, allowance, clothing, shelter, entertainment expenses, soccer teams, transportation expenses, etc. If I were looking for money, I would provide daycare services or something similar where I would be able to make MORE money AND have nights and weekends off. I have cleaned vomit, feces, blood, and tears. I have held a sobbing child as they cried for their parents and have held a screaming child as he thrashed his arms and teeth in anger about his situation. I have watched as children have kicked holes in our walls and urinated all over our bathroom out of anger. I'm not sure how much YOU would charge to do some of the above, but I can GUESS it might be more than $.50 an hour.
2.) Foster parents don't treat their foster children well. Again, this is probably true for some but not most foster parents. As noted above, MOST foster parents have an interest in adopting the children in their care or are related to those children. I KNOW the news makes fantastic stories about children who have suffered abuse/neglect at the hands of their foster parents but I assure you it is the exception and not the rule.
3.) It isn't fair to your other children to be foster parents. Well, you'll fall on one side of the coin or the other on this one and I probably won't sway you too far to either side but I will say this and not to oversimply the issue but "Life isn't fair." If you have more than one child, it wasn't fair to that child that you brought home a new baby and made your first child share their time, toys, attention, money, etc. We use foster parenting as an EXAMPLE to our children about what it means to truly try to help others. You probably do something to accomplish the same thing with your children (pass out food to the homeless or read to the elderly, etc.) - we simply choose to live our 'civic duty' on a 24 hour/ 365 days a year basis.

At almost any given time we have six children in our home - three of our own and three foster children. Sometimes those foster children are siblings and sometimes they aren't related at all and belong to three spearate hurting families. Our oldest child is 5 so we usually have six children under the age of six in our home and I get to stay home with them 24/7. So the next time you need a good laugh or are feeling overwhelmed, pop into my world - I promise you'll be feeling pretty good about yourself before you leave!

By the way, to comply with DHS regulations, I will NOT be posting actual names or photos of any children in foster care. As you read about our children, please note that names have been changed to protect the children in our custody.