Our home is empty for the first time in I don't know how long....

Well, it's been a long time since I've written and there are a couple of reasons for that. As is the case with the rollercoaster, we have once again dipped in the world of foster care and are now waiting for our next big "hill". After things take a big turn (expected or unexpected), I like to step back for a little while to see if the truth of my feelings lies in the immediate emotion that takes place during and after the event or if when tempered with time, if I have a somewhat different view.

So, that being said, here's our latest news on Pickle:

Pickle is gone and is now living with his maternal grandmother. We found out shortly after he came home to us that now that he was with us and 'healthy' that maternal grandmother was reconsidering whether she'd be able to take him (even though she previously said she could not handle him). We waited, with baited breath, to learn the decision on whether he'd be given to her or whether he'd be staying with us. We didn't wait long and they let us know that he'd be leaving. I still have mixed emotions about his leaving. While I am very happy that he has a loving family that wants him, I have some ongoing questions about where this 'love' was when he was struggling for 7 weeks in the hospital. Grandma didn't visit him during his hospital stay and when she was finally granted approval for him to go live with her, she asked us for more time before she took him. I cannot imagine fighting to have my grandson taken out of a foster home and placed with me and then saying, "Well, I need a little more time...."

Pickle left our home 2 weeks and 2 days after he arrived and even though it was hard, I wouldn't trade 2 seconds of that time. He was a DOLL and his grandmother (who really is a very nice woman) is one lucky lady!!!

The Girls:

Well, over the last 6 weeks, the girls have had so many changes. School started and Little Miss began pre-school for the first time while Big A started the first grade. Behaviors were reported at both schools (despite the fact that we had finally tried out medicaiton - on their therapists recommendation). With the turmoil of continued visitation with their mother, Little Miss's behavior took a turn for the worst and without me as an audience during the DAY, she began to tantrum in the middle of the night. These tantrums would last for 2-3 hours and would involve her screaming bloody murder and waking the entire downstairs up. It got so bad that between her and the baby, I wasn't sleeping more than 2 hours a night sometimes.

After discussing the behaviors with our agency, we all came to the conclusion that the girls needed to be in therapeutic care IF their behaviors warranted such action. I mentioned it to their case worker who said she would make the referral. This decision absolutely broke our hearts as the LAST thing we wanted to do was have the girls leave but we were stuck between a rock and a hard place. We had reached the limit on how much therapy we could get for the girls because only so much will be paid for in regular foster care with the assumption that if children needed MORE than those services, they wouldn't be in a regular foster home, they'd be in a therapeutic home. In addition to that, we don't have the experience necessary to deal with some of their issues. IF a biological child were to present with some of these behaviors, you would see (and deal) with those behaviors as they came up in the child's development, thereby giving you some 'on the fly' parenting classes...lol. With children that come to you at 4 and 5, you don't HAVE the benefit of seeing those behaviors develop and don't even always know if a behavior you're seeing is one they've EVER exhibited before, etc.

Most importantly, we didn't feel like we were giving our best to the girls any longer. I had reached the point of mental, physical AND even spiritual exhaustion (at times) with these children and they deserved someone that can give them EVERYTHING. We DO still want to be a permanent home for these girls and here's where the only good news comes into play.

We let our case manager, case worker, CASA worker, and the next foster mom know that if it was possible, we would like the girls to be returned to us when they are ready to step down from therapeutic foster care and for now, it seems like everyone is in agreement with that plan. We've even been granted visitation with the girls and got to see them for our first visit last Friday evening. We DO love them very much and we can't wait until they've gotten the additional help they need and can be returned to us (if it's God's will, of course).


SOOOOOOO:

All in all it has been a very eventful month in the world of foster care in our household. We have gotten calls about 5 children so far and are sitting back (as patiently as can be) and waiting for God to put the plan in motion that will bring the kiddos to us whom we can help the very most.....