When did Moms become savage beasts???

I'm thinking of getting another tattoo but instead of a happy butterfly or kitten playing the bongos (hey, it's my tattoo), I'm thinking of tattooing the following across my forehead: "My child was beaten, raped, starved, and neglected all before she was three years old. If you have something ugly to say about her behavior or my poor parenting, please kindly do it to my face!"

Our youngest foster daughter they believe has ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) - the older one is only suspected of RAD (aren't we lucky?). If you don't know what these disorders are, I truly envy you, no really, I do.

I don't feel like the jumble of letters (that represent their disorders) are anybody's business but mine and their therapists BUT I'm often tempted to explain our situation to total strangers because of the judgmental behavior I receive while trying to go about our 'normal' lives.

This morning, I took the kids to Chik Fil A to see their friends. My girls had a bad visit last night with their bio-mom and the little one woke up with terrible nightmares last night. I knew today probably wasn't going to be a walk in the park; however, she is NOT the only child in my home and I cannot make all of my children sit like social recluses in my home because of her behavior. She is learning to function in different settings and we're working hard on addressing issues as they come up to help her be more successful in pre-school this fall (and in life).

She began throwing a fit when I had to remove her to the "Think Tank" (our version of time-out) for putting hands (pushing) a younger child. Her fits involve full on screaming and yelling and can go for 30 seconds, 30 minutes or 2 hours. During these fits, she is kept safe but otherwise does not receive attention until she's able to calm down.

I would have understood if her fit was bothering an elderly gentleman with no children but the only two dirty looks I got were from a pair of moms casually enjoying their coffee as their 'normal' children played. They didn't do anything to conceal their disdain for me or my child. One would look over, scowl, instruct the other one to look over, and then she would scowl and they'd both start whispering.

I find myself wanting to go over to them, explaining what my child had been through and letting them know that if they thought they could do a better job, then by all means, the world could use some more foster parents. But I didn't. I sat there, irritated that our society would rather sit and giggle at people having issues than offer that much needed look of kindness or offer of help. It makes me angry that my children's wounds are on the inside. If she was OBVIOUSLY impaired, no one would even think of laughing at a child with Down's Syndrome, MR, etc. (or at least I hope they wouldn't) but because her issues are psychological and otherwise not obvious to a casual by-stander, we're fair game.

When did this happen? I read an artilce this morning that my friend posted about how parents aren't as happy as non-parents. I can't help but wonder if some of that stress and unhappiness comes from a society that has moved from a "It takes a village" mentality toward a "I'm better at parenting than you," mentality.

I'm sure I'll get over this and probably won't be putting that rather long tattoo across my forehead but the next time you see a mom struggling in public with a child that is seemingly acting, "bratty," try offering that person a sweet smile of understanding. You can't always tell what a child (or parent) is dealing with by what they look like on the outside and your small act of kindness might be all that mother needs to find the strength to pick up the pieces and keep moving throughout her day!